The Gay Agenda

The short version:

6:00 am: Gym

8:00 am: Breakfast (oatmeal, egg whites, mimosas)

9:00 am: Hair appointment

10:00 am: Shopping (Saks, Barneys, Pottery Barn)

12:00 noon: Brunch

2:00 pm: Assume complete control of the U.S. Federal, state and local governments, as well as all other forms of world government, destroy all healthy marriages, replace school counselors in grades K-12 with agents from the Colombian and Jamaican drug cartels, bulldoze all houses of worship, secure total control of internet and all mass media for the exclusive use of child pornographers.

2:15 pm: Mud masks and beauty rest to prevent wrinkles resulting from the stress of world conquest.

4:00 pm: Cocktails

6:00 pm: Dinner (consomme, salad of endive, arugula and radicchio with balsamic vinaigrette, Pouilly Fuisse)

8:00 pm: Theater

10:30 pm: Dancing

12:00 am: Return home for meaningful overnight relationship

Also available: The long version from Betty Bowers.